Today is World Mental Health Day and this time last year I made my first post on this blog.
I thought I would take this day to reflect on the last year. It’s been very up and down for me. Some of the unfortunate things that happened in this time period include having to drop out of university due to my mental health, having my longest hospital admission, getting diagnosed with OCD and sadly losing a friend to suicide.
At the end of last year’s post I said:
“I hope 2017 is a lot better than this. Maybe I won’t have to go into hospital at all, maybe I won’t self harm for the whole year, maybe I will go to university and cope, or maybe I will get a job and manage to hold it down. Whatever happens, it can’t be any worse than this last year.”
Well I am happy to say, overall 2017 has definitely been better. Although I haven’t achieved any of those things I hoped, I am working towards every single one of them. I’m 75 days self harm free, I’m applying to go to university next year and I am applying to job vacancies. Also, I haven’t been sectioned under the mental health act in over a year, only been hospitalised once this year, met some great new friends and a really special guy I am really thankful to have.
I want to highlight the last month 2 months, because the first one, I was mislead into thinking was amazing, and second one was genuinely amazing. So in August, my mood went too high, I was doing some pretty risky and stupid stuff which I won’t go into detail on and I gave up all my mental health and recovery focused groups I used to attend weekly, instead I was going out drinking pretty much every day, going on huge shopping sprees and doing other reckless stuff. But luckily before anything too damaging happened I came back down, and this leads me onto September…
On the last day of August I met a great guy, we clicked immediately and have lots in common. I know they say being in a relationship cannot fix all your problems, but he has certainly helped me a great deal, and with a bit of help from my boyfriend, I have come very far in such a short space of time. My mum told me I was the happiest she’d seen me in a long time since my boyfriend came into the picture. I’ve started returning to my recovery and mental health groups (but not having to heavily rely on them), I am not doing any of the risky stuff anymore, I’m getting back to the gym, eating healthy, applying to jobs, I’m getting to understand my anxiety better and my mood tracker has been pretty much all positive.
Since the beginning of September, I’ve felt a natural high, not caused by my bipolar or personality disorder mood swings which makes it a safe and enjoyable euphoria. I am so thankful to everyone involved in helping me feel like this. Things just feel almost perfect. Like a dream, but it’s not, it’s real life. It’s so amazing as I haven’t had things go so well for me in a long time, the last few years have been tough, being in and out of hospital, back and forth to psychiatrist and therapy appointments, experimenting with different medication combinations, and I finally seem to be getting somewhere and making progress.
Here’s to hoping 2018 is just as good as this last month has been! I hope to get into university, have a great 21st birthday, get a part time job, and make lots of fun memories with my boyfriend. Some more things that would be great is also if I can stay out of hospital and not self harm or have any major incidents for a year but I don’t want to push my good luck!