At the end of July 2016 I became quite ill mentally although I was oblivious that there was something wrong. After a crazy week I ended up being sectioned in hospital for a month.
It started with a heightened mood, I felt on top of the world, was booming with confidence, very motivated, energetic, talkative and euphoric. Basically the opposite of my suicidal self I was earlier in the month. This all probably sounds great and a good thing, but there is more…
I had rapid racing thoughts which never stopped, I came up with all sorts of wacky ideas such as that I was matter of factually going to become Youtube famous and that I didn’t need to go to university or see my employment adviser anymore as I’d make all my money through this, I even started planning what recording equipment to buy. The racing thoughts made it really hard to sleep as I was filled with ideas and besides I was too excited to sleep. So I was not sleeping much at all, staying up all night filled with crazy ideas and laughing uncontrollably to myself and way too hyper for 3am. Lack of sleep propelled my delirium but I was unaware of this at the time.
I also put myself in dangerous situations whilst I was vulnerable. I went out clubbing all by myself and ended up hooking up with the first random guy who approached me and kissing him all night, then meeting up with him alone again a few days later. I also went outside by myself at 2am and talked to Bennett (more on the fun of Bennett later). Thankfully nothing happened to me.
I also lost my appetite and was barely eating, I was eating a bite of a sandwich then a quarter of my dinner and that’s all I was eating all day for a couple of weeks.
In the midst of all this I started seeing and hearing things. Prominently I was seeing and hearing a vampire called Bennett. We would have conversations in the middle of the night and he told me I was chosen and transitioning into a vampire. From then on no one could change my mind that I was transitioning. I thought the fact I didn’t need much sleep or hardly any food were signs I was transitioning.
Things got serious when I was told the next stage in my transition was learning to fly….I was going to jump out the second story window in an attempt to fly like I’d visualised Bennett doing.
About a week and a half into this, my care coordinator set me up to see the community mental health team psychiatrist after I told her I didn’t need to see her anymore because I was ‘completely fine, better than fine, amazing’!
I told my psychiatrist what was happening and asked to be discharged from services as I was ‘completely fine and never going to get depressed again’. Imagine my surprise when she went and got a man to block the door and say she thought I should go into hospital. I refused and said I was going into town for a bit and they let me go. However whilst I was wondering around town buying random things and ranting to my friend on the phone I got a phone call from the police. My CMHT had called the police on me and the police man said I had to go home with him or make my way home myself but if I didn’t return home a search party would be sent out for me. Apparently the psychiatrist thought I was going to jump from a building in town to try to fly.
Later that day I overheard my mum talking to my dad about how I was seeing things and delusional, this made me mad as at the time I believed everything to be true and was angry no one believed me. So I made the spontaneous decision to get on a train to London. I didn’t know what I’d do once I was there, but I had lots of ideas through my head such as spend the night rough on the streets, travel to the other side of the country and even go on the eurostar to Paris despite all the recent ISIS attacks at the time.
But I didn’t get the chance to choose because the transport police appeared and took me in. My dad had called the transport police on me. I was fuming but the police were nice and friendly so I had a fun chat with them. But I had to choose between going back to my dads house or going into hospital so I chose my dads house reluctantly.
Fast forward a few days and I was back at my mum’s house. I was messaging a friend and had decided I was going to fly out the window that night. But my friend was concerned and suggested to take me to A&E. I agreed with the plan to show her and my mum there was nothing to be worried about as I was fine. I snuck out the window as I didn’t want to wake my mum and sat in A&E for hours at 4am. By 10am I was finally seen by some psychiatrists who said I was going to be detained under section 2 of the mental health act and have to go into hospital.
At this point they made the foolish decision to leave me alone in the hospital at which point rather than turning left to sit down I turned right and ran away. Everyone’s faces in the hospital as I came running past must have been a sight. I am quite unfit so I didn’t run far and I felt incredibly dehydrated. I then saw my friend running after me so I hid but she eventually found me. I agreed to go back to her house and talk things through and get a drink as I was feeling dizzy from thirst. But instead of calling her mum she called the police unknown to me. So when the police arrived I panicked and ran which led to me being tackled to the ground and handcuffed and led to the police car in front of my friend and her mum which was quite traumatic for me, I felt like I had done something wrong and was in trouble and didn’t understand.
I was taken to my local psychiatric hospital and put on a police section 136 and held there until a bed came available for me to stay but unfortunately due to bed shortages I was placed in one 18 miles away.
This high is called mania and is common in bipolar disorder, it may start of as a good thing with more productivity and a happy mood but it can easily progress into a dangerous situation with psychotic features and make the person unaware of their vulnerability. I completely lost touch with sanity and became out of control. The high of bipolar is not a good thing.