My college years were some of my toughest years of living with mental illness that I went through. It’s when things got so bad I was forced to get professional health.
Last year I did a post detailing about how my 2016 went, I think the title alone summed it up well: 2016: What a sh*t year, bring on 2017. It’s crazy reading that post then comparing it to what I’m about to write about this year because things have changed so much, and for the better! In 2016 I never would have guessed I would be where I am today, there was even a thought that I might not have made it to the end of 2017.
At the end of the 2016 post I put:
Bring on 2017! I hope 2017 is a lot better than this. Maybe I won’t have to go into hospital at all, maybe I won’t self harm for the whole year, maybe I will go to university and cope, or maybe I will get a job and manage to hold it down.
So yes at the start of the year I did go into hospital, I did self harm, I didn’t go to university BUT not only have I managed to hold down a job and not had one day off (a massive achievement for me), but I have also only had 1 psychiatric hospital stay this year (as oppose to 3 times last year), haven’t been sectioned under the mental health act in over a year and I have not self harmed for over 150 days! I also hope to go back to university in the next year or two. I never would have thought all this would have happened, it’s hard to believe.
Today is World Mental Health Day and this time last year I made my first post on this blog.
I thought I would take this day to reflect on the last year. It’s been very up and down for me. Some of the unfortunate things that happened in this time period include having to drop out of university due to my mental health, having my longest hospital admission, getting diagnosed with OCD and sadly losing a friend to suicide.
At the end of last year’s post I said: Continue reading “World Mental Health Day 2017 – Reflection”
So recently I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was helpful to get a name for some new symptoms I’d been experiencing. And it also means I can get the right treatment for it.
There are a lot of misconceptions about this disorder like that you have to be exceptionally clean and orderly (which I am not), sure some people with OCD are, especially those with Contamination OCD. But you see, there are many different types of OCD, such as checking (checking rituals e.g. that doors are locked repeatedly), harm (that harm will come to them or someone they know), pure O (obsessions with mental compulsions only) and there are many more.
This week I had some devastating news that deeply upset me and also made me reflect on myself. One of my friends committed suicide.
This was truly shocking and saddening news to hear. Although I know numerous people who have attempted suicide, including myself, I’ve never known someone to successfully complete it. In fact, I hardly know anyone on a personal level who has died, I’ve never even been to a funeral before.
In February I fell ill again, mentally. I ended back in a psychiatric ward after last being in one in August last year. I failed my new years resolution of not going into hospital but it could not be helped, after all, I don’t have control over my illnesses.
I was moderately depressed at the time but that was not the reason for my inpatient stay. I became psychotic again, not to the extreme of my last manic episode but enough to put myself in danger.
2016 has not been the best year – Brexit, Trump and the numerous celebrity deaths such as George Michael, David Bowie and Carrie Fisher to name a few. But 2016 has been a disappointing year for me personally.
I reached multiple peaks of mental illness that have contributed many things to making this year one I wish to forget.
My last post was about a manic episode where I was euphoric and on a huge high, so now I’m going in the complete opposite direction and talking about the lowest times in my life.
A while ago I made a sarcastic post on tumblr about “fun” things when I’m depressed. It’s got almost 300 reblogs so I’m not alone in feeling this way. Depression is more than just feeling a bit sad sometimes, there are lots of other symptoms that a depressed person may or may not exhibit.
At the end of July 2016 I became quite ill mentally although I was oblivious that there was something wrong. After a crazy week I ended up being sectioned in hospital for a month.
It started with a heightened mood, I felt on top of the world, was booming with confidence, very motivated, energetic, talkative and euphoric. Basically the opposite of my suicidal self I was earlier in the month. This all probably sounds great and a good thing, but there is more…